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What are Human Behavior Patterns?
Most people realize what patterns are when the look back over their lives. OK, they find actions that they took in relationships, on a job or generally in their lives repeating over and over. They do not see the repeating process until after they have been through it several times. They do not understand why it happens. It may cycle within weeks or years. It may require a change in relationships before it happens again - but without a doubt, it does.
Why are patterns important?
Patterns are typically a normal process that each person creates to make their life predictable, controllable, and less stressful. Each of us has a morning routine that helps us get to work on time. Families with children have routines that help create security and consistency for their family. All patterns help us. Some patterns reduce stress from traumatic events or painful injuries. Some patterns like smoking - are not healthy; but when you ask a smoker about why they smoke, they talk about relaxation. Some patterns are habits - others are long term problem solutions. In every case, the person is using the pattern to answer a question, produce an outcome, organize a confusing experience, or minimize stress in their life.
Why do you need to recognize your patterns?
Most patterns are not troubling. Patterns work to help people stay organized and get things done. The critical time to understand patterns is when you are taking actions that you do not understand. For example, why are you on your 3rd job in two years? Why can't you stay in a relationship? Why do the relationships you get into always turn out the same? Why do you have such a hard time managing your money? These questions are typical of troubling patterns, i.e. patterns that repeat without a person feeling that they are in control.
Why do you need to recognize patterns in others?
Sometimes people that you care about need help because they do the same self-defeating behaviors and do not seem able to stop. Usually an outside person can see the pattern but it appears to be baffling about why the person behaves as they do. Several examples include: a child who cannot succeed in school despite good intelligence and hard work; a person who does not have the drive to go beyond a dead-end job, but is never seems happy; a successful person who drinks excessively for no apparent reason. We would all like to help people we care about stop harmful behaviors or self damaging actions.
How are patterns related to self-help?
People do not respond well to vague or unclear messages. This reaction can include frustration, anger, helplessness, pain, or avoidance. These behaviors generate an arousal defense against these feelings. The ways a person chooses to defend themselves produces unhealthy behavior. Unhealthy behaviors consistently used as a way to reduce the stress form unhealthy patterns of interaction and poor coping skills, eventually resulting in mental illness. When a person decides to change the unhealthy pattern, a coach is needed. Why a coach? Unfortunately, the unhealthy pattern is better understood than healthy behaviors, and may even feel safer - no matter how painful. The coach knows the play. The coach knows the strategy to healthy behaviors and interactions. The coaching process supports the person as they make the changes needed to produce healthy, and productive behaviors.
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